Edith stood up abruptly and smoothed her skirt, though it was the kind of pleated wool, tartan plaid that had no need of smoothing. It was just an unconscious motion she performed, like a nonverbal paragraph break. It let her remove herself from the preceding few minutes and begin a new subject. She was doing what she was brought up to do. She turned and looked down at him, still sitting on the park bench and told him matter-of-factly, “As I said, we’re just friends.” She only looked at him long enough to complete that brief statement before she turned to walk away down the quiet path that led out of the park.
It was late fall and already dusk. A chilling breeze stirred the last of the red, orange, and yellow maple leaves that had recently fallen from the trees above. She was cold and wanted to hug her light coat more closely around her, but felt she needed to keep her arms at her side to walk away with as much dignity as she could show. She had done the right thing, of course, and earned the right to be proud.
Though she didn’t look back (of course, she wouldn’t), her mind’s eye still held the image of Aaron’s face as he looked up at her the moment before she left. He had instantly colored, flushed red, and his hazel eyes held a look of guilt and distress, as if he knew he was taking a risk and felt profoundly foolish for having done so. He was that kind of boy, she realized, shy and usually very cautious. He was quite good-looking, as well, but it was well hidden under a head of thick, unruly hair and black rimmed glasses that dominated his face and obscured his eyes, which were actually quite beautiful. She had seen them only in the brief moments when he quickly removed them to clean them with his handkerchief. It was a nervous habit of his, she thought.
There was something lonely about sound of her shoes scuffing along the paved path and bare branches clicking in the wind. When they were walking together earlier, it was different, though his rubber soled steps were noiseless. A few times, the backs of their hands brushed against each other as they walked. She added a few inches to her distance from him, but they still drifted back together. It didn’t exactly make her feel uncomfortable, but it didn’t feel quite right.
They had been neighbors since grade school. When the neighborhood boys and girls would acknowledge each other’s presence at all, it would be in the form of teasing shouts from a distance. In the winter they would all be sledding on the same local hills and in the summer they would all be swimming at the town beach. In school, they lived in different worlds. Things took their normal course and changed as they got older. Her baby fat stayed with her, and, at the same time, her body’s new curves suddenly became so pronounced as to embarrass her. She worried that the wrong kind of boy would be attracted to her for the wrong kind of reason. At the same time, she realized that none of the boys seemed to be attracted to her for any kind of reason. That was okay. It kept things simple. She barely saw or thought of Aaron in middle school. They had moved into different worlds. His shyness made him something of a loner and her small group of friends were far from the pinnacle of the social hierarchy.
Things changed in high school. They took the school bus now and were often the only two at their bus stop. They fell into chatting again. Having known each other so long, even without really getting to know each other, they found themselves exchanging confidences. She knew she sometimes talked too much, but he would always listen. Unlike her girlfriends, Aaron never gossiped about other people, so she fell into trusting him. There were things going on at home that made her uncomfortable and he was the only one she told. He told her that for years he was afraid of school, mostly because of the bullies and the crowds. He was so easy to be with that she never really thought of him as a boy in the same way she did when they were children or later on when that difference had begun to take on new meanings.
Today, as they were walking home from the bus, she was telling him about a conflict that had begun to develop with one of her best friends. It was over something silly, but it had upset Edith quite a bit. They sat down in the park, as they sometimes did when the walk home was too short for her to finish what she wanted to talk about. But the weather had turned colder during the day, and she had worn the wrong coat. While they were sitting on the bench talking, she mentioned in passing that she was cold and was surprised, a moment later, to feel his arm encircling her shoulders. She even leaned into him a little and began to feel warmer. She would never admit that it was more than the warmth she was responding to, so she let his arm remain. Out of nowhere, he confessed, “I still hate school, but now at least I look forward to talking with you on the bus.” What he said made Edith feel even warmer for a moment but then she wished he had said that when his arm wasn’t on her shoulders. That made it more complicated. It had weakened some of the walls that protected her. For once, she had no reply and lapsed into silence.
She would never admit that it was more than the warmth she was responding to, so she let his arm remain.
Then it happened. She felt his lips on her cheek, giving her the lightest of kisses. The jolt that went through her startled her. All she could think of was that what he did was so totally wrong and not simply unexpected. Now, thinking back as she walked away, her reaction even surprised her. Playing the scene back in her mind, she saw it another way. Maybe he wasn’t just “stealing a kiss”, the term her mother used. Maybe he was growing to like her in a way that was more than just a friend. For the first few moments, before she started thinking about it, there was something both special and natural in the feeling of his arm around her. She had been, as many times before, pouring her heart out to him. And she knew he truly cared.
Edith turned around and hurried back down the walkway. Despite the cold, he was still sitting on the bench, staring at the ground in front of him. He didn’t notice her until just before she sat down beside him and he gave her a puzzled look. To answer him, she picked up his arm and draped it back around her and then rested her head on his shoulder, hoping he wouldn’t be afraid of stealing another kiss.